The Jew News Review – May 28, 2022 – A Modest Proposal

Shabbat shalom.

A tough and tragic week for the country, a horrific one for the friends and families of those children and teachers that were brutally assassinated in the Robb Elementary School. This is the 215th mass shooting in the country just this year, and its still only May! If there is such a thing as existential despair, I think our nation may be in it. I know I am personally feeling it. 

If you haven’t listened to NBA basketball coach Steve Kerr’s lament after the tragedy, you should. Here is a link. Kerr speaks with the moral authority of a man whose own father was assassinated by gun violence and pleads with Mitch McConnell and the 50 Senators to do something, specifically calling out HR 8, a law passed in the House for background checks on gun purchasers. There are so many things that could be done to curb this kind of killing if only the “do nothing” Republicans would just do their jobs instead of offering “thoughts and prayers” or their many useless, glib and insulting slogans. We need to update the definition of insanity to now be “doing nothing, over and over and expecting a different result”. The satire magazine, The Onion, has now run this headline over 20 times:

This gruesome groundhog day needs to end. HR 8, banning assault rifles, red flag laws, raising the age to buy a gun to 21, and many other ideas would certainly not eliminate this madness, but COULD help! If not, then I have my own Swiftian satirical thoughts on the topic, and offer the following “Modest Proposal For Preventing the Assassination of School Children and Making Republicans Beneficial to the Publick”. To wit:

  1. Put a M1A2 Abrams tank in every school parking lot – this would act as a deterrent to any would-be attackers as well as fuel the military industrial complex with a new sales channel.
  2. Train kindergartners in the use of AR 15 assault rifles with Sesame Street characters used as target practice – In addition to giving more good guys guns, and toughening up our little ones, this has the added benefit of increasing the USA’s chances of winning gold in the winter biathlon skiing and shooting event.
  3. Have all school children wear protective armor plating or kevlar uniforms – In addition to the obvious protection, this idea could spawn a completely new fashion industry. Check out this bullet-proof hoodie, eg.
  1. Harden our schools by bricking over all windows and eliminating all but one door for entering and exiting. On that door, put an effigy of Ted Cruz armed with an AR15 as a greeter and guard – In addition to its deterrence effect, this might help the useless Senator add some value for a change. 
  2. Finally, “The only thing that can stop a bad politician with a vote is a good citizen with a vote.” Vote any of these a-hole Republicans that do not support gun safety measures out of office.

I hope my lame attempt at satire has not offended anyone, but this is where we are at with Republicans these days who think the only answer to this problem is more guns and “hardening” our schools, as if training children in “active shooting” drills is something we should normalize. And I am 100% certain that the framers of our constitution were not thinking of arming 18 year olds with military assault rifles when they drafted the 2nd Amendment. 

Check out the latest polling from Politico/Morning Consult poll out Wednesday:

  • 88% of voters strongly or somewhat support background checks on all gun sales, while only 8% strongly or somewhat oppose such checks. 
  • 84% support preventing gun sales to people who have been reported to police as dangerous by a mental health provider while only 9% oppose it.
  • 77% support requiring guns to be stored in a safe storage unit, while only 15% oppose such a requirement.
  • 75% approve of a national database for gun sales while only 18% disapprove. 
  • 67% approve of banning assault style weapons like the AR-15 while only 25% disapprove.
  • 54% percent of voters approve of arming teachers with concealed weapons, while only 34% oppose it.

The only regulation supported by Republicans? Arming teachers. 

Israel, a well armed country that understands threats and violence, has developed sensible gun laws that require a mental health exam, local police approval, training and certifications in firearm use and safety, and so on. In fact, over 40% of those applications are rejected, and if they are approved, they limit the amount of firearms to only one per individual and also limit bullets to 50. Sensible stuff.

Let’s leave it at that this week. But hey, let’s also be careful out there. 

Brad out.

One thought on “The Jew News Review – May 28, 2022 – A Modest Proposal

  1. Between October 1996 and September 1997, Australia responded to its own gun violence problem with a solution that was both straightforward and severe: It collected roughly 650,000 privately held guns. It was one of the largest mandatory gun buyback programs in recent history. It was a lovely, touching speech Joe Biden made. Let’s see him in action now.


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